That should be my tagline, title of my life’s story, etc, etc, etc.
I think it is safe to admit now that I have been in a fairly deep depression for over a year. It really started to weigh me down when Covid-19 came on the scene guns blazing. I am not any less depressed, but I am able to talk about it. I think.
The 4 months I spent 99% of my time alone was rougher than I said. I tried very hard to count my blessings. I think possibly it is just now catching up to me. I haven’t felt this anxious in many years and honestly, am not pleased about it.
So…what am I doing about this funk? Not enough if I am honest, but I have started to put together the quilt top I have been making hexies for. This should keep me occupied for a while.
The husband and I are house hunting, which should be fun, but is excruciating. I think we might be onto something, but not to the stage I care to talk about it. That’s another story for another day. Remodeling will give me something to talk about, right? Until then I am…
I have no illusions that it will be a “new leaf”. But it may indeed be a new “old” world – like the dark ages. Famine, pestilence, religious rule. Personally, I am afraid. Afraid if one candidate wins that it will be the end of the world as we know it. Afraid if the other wins that it will be civil unrest like we have never seen in our lifetime.
For me the whole decision boiled down to matters of decency, integrity, truth, honor, self-sacrifice and service. I thought it was a simple decision. I have been disappointed in so many people I thought I knew. But the message is clear. And you really can’t make people care about others. You really can’t instill values in adults. They aren’t going to see the truth. They are going to pick someone that represents them. So we shall see in the coming days, weeks and months how it all shakes out. Even if the person with more of the qualities I seek in a person wins we are still living amongst those who don’t value integrity, loyalty, decency and honor. They may not be racist, homophobic, treasonous or xenophobic, but those things aren’t deal-breakers either. That’s been hard to accept.
We are now deep into this global pandemic. Knee deep, butt deep and eventually, though not very long I fear, over our heads. Yesterday was three days (I think) in a row where America recorded 50,000+ new cases. As it stands over 11 million people worldwide have been diagnosed. The USofA is fast approaching 3 million and my home state has over 63,000 cases with 3170 deaths. It’s hard not to get depressed when a good portion of my fellow citizens don’t care enough to wear a mask in public. But America’s rugged individuality will be our downfall. That and Karma taking a big bite out of our greedy ass.
My husband finally made it home after 4 months halfway across the world working. When and if he will go back is very much up in the air. It’s quite possible it will be a long time before Americans are welcomed to travel to other countries and as much of a hardship as it will likely cause, it’s not like we can be trusted.
So, I shall keep on keeping on, as all of you will I am sure. I have finished a quilt I have been working on for a year. And have lots of baking projects and sewing projects. Trying to figure out what I want to do with the majority of my time. Something constructive and useful and with my stamp on it. All suggestions welcome. Thinking lotions and potions, sewn goodies like masks and dream pillows, candles and such.
Really just wanted to touch base – I have been lackadaisical in writing. Will try to do better. I promise less pity and more pith next post. Until then I am